Sandwich Generation Life; Prone to be Conflict, But..

Jul 09 2009

Posted by admin as Home & Family

The married couple who live with parents and children is called the life of a sandwich generation (Sandwich Generation, Raphael & Schlesinger, 1993). According to Gina Shaw, for whatever reason, the life of married couple who “oppressed” in the sandwich generation will be all “too”: too tired, too stressed, too many thoughts, too heavy workload, and too much time consumed. It can be understood, because to take care of themselves, they have drained everything, especially when it fend for themselves, children, and parents.

Due to “too” reason, the life of Sandwich generation is prone to be conflict. According to psychologist Professor. Dr. Jeanette Murad Lesmana, conflicts such as that experienced the married couple usually occur because they do not have an understanding or agreement about:

1. Custom. Each house has its habit. Therefore, son or daughter-in-law as “settlers” should be able to adjust to the prevailing custom in parent-in-law house. For example, if the type of your parent-in-law is diligent, the son or daughter-in-law should not get up over 10 hours of the morning, although the end of the week or holiday.

2. Contribution. Contribution is not only money, but also the physical contribution, time, and others. Family members should discuss in order to clear task list or contributions about who gave how much, who does what, and so on. But in this case, the couple should not force yourself if you have not been able to give the maximum contribution. Adjust with the ability only.

3. Parenting. Parenting patterns follow the rules of parents, not grandparents. Children are the product of parents. Children must know that the authority in the hands of parents than grandparent. So if the grandparents will give the children an order, they have to ask their parents first.

4. Defense. A warning come from your parents may seem normal in your ear, but not so for your spouse. For that, you need to defend the couple so that he could not continue to blame or to feel defeated. Conflicts often arise, because one was not being defended or given support by their partner.

5. Privacy. Each family member should maintain mutual privacy, by giving time and place for each family member for the preferred activities, unknown and interrupted by other family members. But it is more important that privacy for you and your spouse.